2/4/10

Setting Exercise

Inside a Submarine:
I sat in the submarine at the bottom of the ocean. I had been training for this day practically my whole life, and this was it. It smelled of fish and I realized I would have to sustain it until I reached the surface, but I didn't mind. I looked out at the ocean floor. It was very dark, as if my vision had been altered over to black and white. The only light was that from my ship. Spread across the ocean floor was various vegetation. Fish of all sizes were slowly traversing the sand with only the slightest bit of movement. Seemingly greasy plants floated up and plateaued on the bottom of my ship. I could hear nothing but my own breath and heartbeat, which were elevating rapidly due to my excitement and anticipation. I couldn't believe that my wildest dreams had finally come true. As I looked down upon the ocean floor, knowing the mysteries it held, i heard a snap. It sounded sharp, much like the harsh snap of a bone. It echoed throughout the small ship and resonated in my ears. The next few moments seemed to pass in slow motion. The turn of my head to the aft. The hairs on my back of my neck rising. My heartbeat pounding in my chest as if a monster wanting to be unleashed. Part of the submarine had bursted and the ocean water was coming in fast. I ran to the back of the ship, my feet coming down hard and splashing on the ground. The sound of the water rushing into the ship was much like a storm pounding on the other side of the wall. I could feel the sweat on my brow drip down into my eyes and it burned. My hands were perspiring and trembling. I leaned to my left to grab the radio and it nearly slipped from my wet hands. "MAYDAY MAYDAY!" the words thrusting out of my throat as if it had been held in centuries. "WE'VE GOT A LEAK! I NEED SOMEONE DOWN HERE NOW." But nothing. The water was starting to reach my knees and it was so cold it burned. The feeling in my legs was going, as if they were being pressed between two giant blocks of ice, ready to burst. I fell to the ground and my face hit the ice-cold water as if hitting and shattering glass. I reached for something, anything to patch up the hole. The water was rising quick and I knew nothing I could do would stop it. The cold was over coming me and I realized even if I could patch up the leak, I would not have the strength to do so. I looked down at my feet and realized they were turning black, but by the time I looked back up, the water was beginning to rise over my head. All i could taste was the harsh lingerings of fish and ocean waste. All i could see was water taking over my ship, much like an infestation of a flesh eating bacteria. Everything was soiled. All of my notes, all of my belongings. Now from underwater I could see that the hole was becoming larger as scraps of metal from the ship were shooting off into the dark abyss of the ocean floor. I pushed my way to the top of the ship, gasping for my last precious breaths of air. I felt my nose touch the ceiling of the ship and breathed in as if golden air had filled my lungs. I sank to the bottom. By now my body had become completely numb to the painful cold of the water. I closed my eyes and felt the rush of water flow through my hair. I eased all of the tension in all my muscles. My knees unlocked, my arms stretched out, and i could feel nothing but the readiness in my body to let go. I was prepared, I had accepted my fate, I had accepted defeat. All i remember feeling was the warm touch of a divers hand reach down and pull me from the bottom of the submarine.

1 comment:

  1. Looks great, Maeve. You're pretty action focused here, and I'm looking for you to lay off the throttle on plot progression and spend some time on the surroundings and atmosphere. You did well evoking the senses in the beginning, but moved away fom that later. In any case, it's still good propulsive writing, and it made me want to keep reading, and that's always a good thing.

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